Mindset: Grace vs. Grit
It's time to get a little uncomfortable.
You Can Handle It
“I’ll start again Monday.” “Maybe when life slows down.” “It’s okay, just this one time."
Do you hear those inner voices too?
For MANY years, I leaned a little too heavily towards grace, for myself and my clients. I didn’t want to make any of my clients feel bad for not sticking to their plan, so I empathized with them at the expense of truly helping them.
Instead of helping them see their power, and helping them hold themselves accountable, I responded heavy on grace (“it’s okay!”) and light on “Ok, so now what”?
Here’s the thing - people don’t want to be told they’re doing a terrible job, but they also know when they’re not giving it their all.
That’s the job of a good coach — to help push their clients past their comfort zone, while still showing up with love, empathy, and respect.
Balancing Grace and Grit
Grace and discipline (or what I call grit) should coincide. They sound like opposites, but they work together when approaching health-related goals.
Knowing when to leverage grit and when to leverage grace is a kind and effective way to approach a health goal.
Behavior change takes some grittiness, but it shouldn’t deplete you.
Let’s define these terms and decide where you could lean more heavily into grit.
Grit:
You’re reading this because your health matters to you.
You’ve likely pushed through when it was hard:
At work.
Taking care of your family.
On your journey to and through motherhood.
During dark days.
That’s perseverance.
Grit is the combination of passion and perseverance for long-term goals.*
You are well on your way to mastering this.
Grit is having stamina and realizing that losing weight and maintaining weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint.
It’s realizing that while some people may be blessed with more resources, you have the ability to be successful regardless and in spite of past attempts.
Grace:
I cannot count the number of times I’ve met with a client who is beginning their health journey, and a few days into starting, something happens.
Their kid gets sick, followed by the rest of the family.
Their work schedule changes, leaving them scrambling for childcare.
They suddenly find out they have to travel out of state for a week.
I prepare my clients for the Universe to laugh at their best-laid plans, often.
It’s also the reality of being a mom. Remember when you could just leave the house, without ensuring everyone and everything was accounted for? Remember when you could make a healthy meal without someone tugging on your leg or needing something NOW?
Find humor in the chaos and build a “buffer” for your goals.
“What if the goal wasn’t to have 100% weeks, but to have zero 0% weeks?”
This is a sentiment by Adam Bornstein, which I love, especially for moms. Every week, no matter what life throws your way, progress can be made.
Self-compassion
Perfectionism is NOT necessary when it comes to behavior change, but self-compassion is.
Self-compassion has 3 core components:
Self-kindness versus self-judgment
Common humanity versus isolation
Mindfulness versus over-identification with negative thoughts
Research demonstrates that self-compassion is related to “psychological flourishing”. And who doesn’t want that?
Beating yourself up for eating a piece of cake or skipping a workout leads to the opposite effect, you give up.
Remember - results are seen when both grace and grit are leveraged.
Here are 5 way you can cultivate more grit, in a healthy way:
1. Align your goals with your context/values vs. just pushing harder.
If you’re in a busy season or feeling depleted, now is not the time to follow a #75Hard or rigid plan. Grit does not have to look like counting macros for the rest of your life or falling on the floor after a workout.
Move away from the belief that weight loss has to feel super hard to mean it’s working. Believe that it can actually feel fun and rewarding.
The amount of effort you can put into your goals can change each season. Consider having two sets of non-negotiable lists — one that is more of a stretch in seasons where you have more capacity and a simple list of 1-3 daily habits when life throws constant curve balls your way.
Here’s what that looks like for one of my clients:
More capacity days/weeks:
4-6 oz of animal protein at meals and 1/2 plate of non-starchy veggies
Water - 100 fl oz (or more)
Daily walk (ideally alone)
Supplements (taking them consistently)
5 minutes of daily quiet/reflection time -- asking yourself "what went well? what will I lean into tomorrow? what do I need right now"
Less capacity days:
Protein and veggies for at least 2 out of the 3 meals.
Water - 100 fl oz (or more)
Daily walk (even for 5-10 minutes)
2. Meal prep.
Yes, this is a must. To stay committed to healthy eating, you must find a way to make healthy eating convenient. This does not have to feature elaborate meals. Shortcuts are encouraged.
Shortcuts include: frozen veggies, pre-cooked proteins, pre-made sauces and condiments, and your favorite ready-made products from Trader Joe’s or Costco!
The #IngredientMeal section of this Substack will help you master meal prep.
I swear by the #ingredientmeal delivery service, Hungry Root. This service takes care of choosing simple meals for you (pre-cooked meats, pre-chopped veggies, delicious sauces) and shipping them to your doorstep!
3. Think about “Future You”, often.
That fishbowl-sized margarita is fun, but I probably don’t have to tell you how you’ll feel the next day.
It’s not to say “never” enjoy alcohol or fun treats. In fact, I’ll share why you should enjoy some indulgences in future articles. Simply consider how tomorrow’s version of you will feel when making a choice that isn’t entirely aligned.
This also goes for meal prep. You’ll never regret prepping a little over the weekend, or packing some of tonight’s dinner in a container for tomorrow’s lunch.
4. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable.
Are you letting yourself off the hook with getting adequate sleep, exercising, or making healthy food choices “just because” or is it truly a time to lean into grace?
How often are you canceling your workouts “just because” you feel tired or you don’t wannna (cue toddler voice)? We all do it. Take an honest assessment of where you’re not giving your best or full effort, even when you can.
Challenge yourself to lace up your tennis shoes and move for 5 minutes on days you feel bleh… and see what happens.
Feeling follows movement — you will likely feel better once you get started.
Allow OTHERS to be uncomfortable. Will your baby cry or toddler whine when you leave the house to do something for yourself? Probably. Allow them to have feelings about it and respond with compassion, but still go. Show them what it means to take care of yourself - role model healthy behaviors early and often.
There can be pain or discomfort in prioritizing yourself. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.
5. Believe that you CAN.
Do you actually believe you can be successful? Many women who have bounced from diet program to diet program have lost faith that they can be successful. They may WANT to believe they can be successful, but they don’t actually believe it.
Cultivating a growth mindset and believing that you CAN lose weight, will help you persevere on days when it’s harder.
Do you know what helps you preserve? Not choosing a rigid plan! Choose habits that are enjoyable and realistic for you to do long-term. If it promises results in 30 days—run.
If you continue to tell yourself you don’t have the knowledge, skills, or time to change — you’re letting yourself off the hook. That won’t lead to change.
Want more? Lace up your tennis shoes or head to the kitchen for some meal prep and listen to this podcast with Dr. Molly Maloof. You deserve to feel better than ever, and you can.
*Psychologist Angela Duckworth, the author of the NY Times Bestseller Grit, offers this definition of grit, and believes this combination is what makes high achievers special. Check out her book to learn more about how grit is an important skill for your health goals and your children.