Dear Steph: Where Do I Start?

When Overwhelm Strikes

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Dear Steph,

For my entire adult life, I thought I was doing a good job at taking care of myself and listening to my body. In my twenties, I embraced fitness and learned so much about eliminating processed foods from my diet. After my first pregnancy, I was laser focused and knew exactly what to do to lose the weight and be healthy. I bounced back after my first and second baby. While I still had my moments of questioning myself, I felt overall confident in how I was listening to my body and caring for myself and my children.

After having my third and fourth baby, I followed the same pattern of fitness and nutrition. While I did lose the weight, I began feeling drained and depleted. After I stopped nursing, my skin broke out, fatigue was always nearby, the weight came back, and I felt like no matter how hard I tried to listen to my body, my body was speaking an entirely new language to me.

The more I tried to ask my doctor, do my own research, and advocate for myself, the more confused I became. I felt uncomfortable with trusting Google telling me all the supplements I needed, and I couldn’t interpret when to push myself with fitness and when my body was worn down. I feel lost in this after babies stage of life and what it looks like to care for my body. I used to feel confident to carve my own path of health and wellness, but the information out there is overwhelming and I don’t know how to balance discipline with grace. I don’t know where to start anymore.

Sincerely, Fatigued mom who just wants to feel nourished again.

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Dear Fatigued Mom,

I took a deep breath before typing because I genuinely feel this with you. It’s understandable why you’re feeling this way with the amount of misinformation, societal pressure to “bounce back,” and physiological changes happening during this season.

The reality is, for many moms, losing weight with each child seems to get more complicated. It’s not that you’re doing anything “wrong.” Period.

That doesn’t mean you’re hopeless if you want to change. There are a few things you can consider to help encourage your body to let go of weight it doesn’t need to hold onto anymore. This can be done healthily, without compromising your time or values.

Fatigued Mom, what you’re explaining are themes I hear from moms all the time, and I want you to feel confident knowing the why and determining your next steps. You deserve to reduce the mental gymnastics and stuckness you’re feeling.

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Let’s go piece by piece through your story.

Then, I’ll share Metabolism Tips to get you started.

For my entire adult life, I thought I was doing a good job at taking care of myself and listening to my body. In my twenties, I embraced fitness and learned so much about eliminating processed foods from my diet.

Learning about nutrition and embracing fitness are lifelong lessons.

There are things you learned in your twenties about processed foods and fitness that you’re still aware of and are guiding your choices today. Maybe you learned how good it feels to eat less sugar or how you actually enjoy running when you do it at a pace that’s fun, not competitive. Let’s keep that in mind as we explore the confusion with what you should be doing now. You probably know more than you’re giving yourself credit for!

After my first pregnancy, I was laser focused and knew exactly what to do to lose the weight and be healthy. I bounced back after my first and second baby. While I still had my moments of questioning myself, I felt overall confident in how I was listening to my body and caring for myself and my children.

While reading this section, I picked up on two important points.

• “I knew exactly what to do."

  • What did you do? Does it still feel aligned now? And if so, can you bring one or two things into your current lifestyle?

• “I bounced back.”

  • While some people think “bouncing back” is their goal, I’m hearing you describe that your most powerful result was feeling confident in how you listened to your body and cared for yourself and your children. Let’s lean into that! Feeling more confident and taking care of yourself happens before you notice any significant changes and can help propel you to keep taking action.

After having my third and fourth baby, I followed the same pattern of fitness and nutrition. While I did lose the weight, I began feeling drained and depleted.

If you think the fitness and nutrition pattern was reasonable, there’s a good chance your body needed a little more TLC and nutrient repletion. The amount of energy and nutrients needed to grow and nurse a baby is significant and often underestimated.

If nutrients are not replaced via smart supplementation and diet, even taking a walk can feel hard!

The fact that you noticed skin changes, consistent fatigue, and weight regain highlights that this wasn’t just about not having enough “willpower.” Your body was and may still be speaking another language.

As much as we feel like our body is working against us, it’s always working for us.

It can physically slow us down (fatigue), highlight that your gut and stress levels need support (undesirable skin changes), and hold onto or gain weight when something is out of balance.

The more I tried to ask my doctor, do my own research, and advocate for myself, the more confused I became. I felt uncomfortable with trusting Google telling me all the supplements I needed, and I couldn’t interpret when to push myself with fitness and when my body was worn down. I feel lost in this after babies stage of life and what it looks like to care for my body.

See your body’s red flags as a GPS to explore underlying causes (again, get curious!) with a healthcare professional trained in functional medicine. A skilled practitioner can help you dig deeper by testing hormones, stool, and cortisol, and take an objective look at your calorie intake and energy expenditure.

While books and Google can sometimes point you in the right direction, they can cause more confusion, make you feel like you need to spend a lot more on supplements or hacks than what’s needed, push harder than you need to with your exercise or restrict more foods, and make the healing process take longer.

I know it’s not always the most affordable option though, so let’s tackle some foundational things you can do now to help you feel more confident you’re on the right track.

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Metabolism Tool: Honest Assessment.

Why does it seem to get harder with subsequent kids? There are a few common threads I see when moms are experiencing weight loss resistance, skin changes and fatigue, outside of medical issues like hypothyroidism and hormone shifts as we head into perimenopause.

Let’s see if any of these show up for you.

Stress

How do you rate your level of stress from 0 (calm as a cucumber) - 10 (I can’t catch my breath)?

Ok, now add at least 1 more point to that total, because you’re likely underappreciating the role stress has in your life.

While it comes with more unconditional love, having more kids comes with more after-school events, more homework, more laundry, and more food to make.

Stress and hormone shifts after babies are among the main factors I see with skin issues. (It’s not always because of dairy like some think).

I won’t annoy you with a list of “stress-reducing” tips. You probably already know what you can do here — but make it a priority to get at least TWO minutes a day of quiet to yourself. I call this a Two-minute Time Out. We all have two minutes.

Your next step:

During the two minutes, you could:

• Practice box breathing.

  • Great to do in the pick-up line at school.

• Listen to a song you love.

  • Music can take you out of flight/fight mode.

• Write down what IS going well in your life.

  • You can always find something.

• Close your eyes.

  • Set a timer if you feel like you may fall asleep.

Sleep

Another one where you’re like, ugh, I knew she would say that. This comes easier to some moms than others, but with more kids, you likely have more wake-ups (or chances for them).

Many moms find the hours after they put their kids to bed their “golden hours.” It’s their chance to finally do something fun, that they want to do. To watch the show they want to watch. To have a conversation with their partner, uninterrupted.

And you 1000% deserve that time.

Your next step:

• Can you shoot for a bedtime before 10 PM?

• If your kids go to bed around 8 p.m., that’s two hours of YOU time. Those two hours can fly by if you mindlessly scroll IG or binge on Netflix. Limit those easy time sucks to 30 minutes so you have more intentional downtime, to more easily drift into sleep.

Movement

If you have toddlers running around, you’re probably not dealing with this as much as moms with older kids. My kids are 9 and 7, so they’re pretty independent. While this is great in many ways, it’s much easier to be sedentary unless I’m intentional about getting outside and playing with them. On average, adults are getting about 3,000-4,000 steps a day.

Your next step:

• Can you intentionally get a little extra movement in?

• For overall health benefits, and to support weight loss goals, we want to aim for around 7,000 steps a day…which takes intentionality or a 30-45 minute walk. Try making a walk after dinner a family habit!

• Walking, even more so than running or other cardio, can be therapeutic and nourishing when you’re depleted.

*A recent study in Lancet showed that older adults who walked 7,000 steps a day cut their all-cause mortality risk in half! While 10,000 steps is often touted as the goal, it’s a big jump for many moms and you can still receive numerous benefits from increasing where you’re currently at vs. hitting a loftier number.

Snacking

I’m really not your favorite person now :) But hang with me.

How often are you finishing your kid’s leftover pizza or sandwich crusts? If you grew up in a “clean plate club” family, you likely have a hard time throwing away bites of food, which can add up more than you think. A 100-calorie nibble after breakfast, lunch, and dinner can result in 300 calories, which may have helped you hit your body’s necessary calorie deficit to gently encourage weight loss… and how much did you really enjoy that nibble?

Take a look at how much and where you’re snacking throughout the day, in ways that aren’t actually filling you up.

Your next step:

• Snack intentionally.

• For many moms I work with, I encourage them to have a protein-rich snack between lunch and dinner.

• A protein-rich snack like a Paleovalley beef stick (or two), string cheese, greek yogurt, a healthier protein powder or protein bar can help bridge the gap between lunch and dinner and result in fewer after-dinner cravings.

Free time

If you have little ones at home, your schedule is likely full. As moms, we have to intentionally plan time away to do things for ourselves.

Your next step:

• Put YOU on your calendar.

• This includes things like going to the gym or a workout class with friends, spending time with friends, engaging in a spiritual practice, or hobbies (new or old) that light you up.

• Cultivate the skill of asking for time away and then actually take it. This is necessary to see improvements in all aspects of your health.

Regarding supplements:

You mentioned being unsure what to take or where to start with supplements.

Here’s a protocol with the core supplements I recommend for moms, as a baseline. You may require a few additional ones based on your needs, but I’d start here!

Walk and Listen

Get your steps in and learn!

Check out this podcast I did with naturopathic doctor, Dr. Brooke, for more information on hormonal shifts that can impact weight.

Fatigued Mom, I hope this helped give you tools and things to consider as you create a plan that meets you where you are and helps you achieve the goals you deserve. Let me know how you’re doing in a few weeks!

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Mindset + Metabolism Family, Do you have a similar experience as Fatigued Mom?

Leave some love for her and comment below!